Saturday, December 18, 2010

Harlequin Cover Critique Update

On Friday I posted my cover critique of a vintage collection Harlequin cover and I asked what all of you though the plot of such a, um, special cover could possibly be. Well, I will leave you in suspense no longer as you will find the blurb below. I've also included a few more vintage covers for your viewing pleasure. You're welcome;)



VIRGIN WITH BUTTERFLIES (from Harlequin's site):

She's a smooth blonde with enough real glamour not to need makeup—especially when she's in tight white satin. She's honest and sort of naïve, but she knows how to get a man or get rid of a wolf.

She's a cigarette girl in a spot just off Chicago's loop, but she's about to start really going places. As she goes, she collects an Indian raja, an amorous sheikh and a mysterious gentleman reputed to be the Rockefeller of Burma. These gents are after something, chasing the gal around the world to get it, and it ain't hay. That's where her butterflies come in—they flutter hard, warning her when she's scared or propositioned, and they're working overtime. Effectively?—read the book and find out.


I've just made your day haven't I? I'm pretty sure I snorted several times when I read the description, it's almost as good as the cover really. Does it actually say "and it ain't hay"? Extraordinary. Poor, poor butterflies, they're going to flutter themselves into a veritable frenzy trying to warn her about these five suitors. And what happens if she gives in? Do they drop dead? Oh wait, we have to read the book to find out:)

I want to point out as well that the blurb only mentions three gentlemen, so where did she pick up our other two winged human heads? And if she knows how to get men and get rid of wolves (you go girl!), why does she have five creepy insect men hovering around her in this cover? Perhaps she needs a refresher course in insect deterrents. I'll have to lend her my bug spray so this uncomfortable situation doesn't happen again.

Since I found this cover so amusing, I thought I'd share some others from the same vintage collection. Behold!



KISS YOUR ELBOW

Um, I think I'll pass, but thank you anyway. Why would anyone want to kiss their own elbow? Given that it's impossible to do so, what an exercise in futility that would be. Perhaps that's the point? Am I supposed to kiss her elbow? She doesn't appear to have overly sexy elbows, so I don't really want to do that either. And what is she holding? This cover is glorious, just glorious.



PARDON MY BODY

Consider yourself pardoned my dear. She seems to be having a rough night, her strap has fallen off her shoulder (tragic!) and her hem is torn and revealing her unmentionables, so we'll cut her some slack. She's also taking aim with that gun like she means business–go get 'em sweetheart, don't let anyone tear your pretty dress and walk away unscathed!

Hope you guys enjoyed these as much as I did!

Oh, and on a completely random and unrelated side note, I chose a winner last week through Random.org for the signed Shadow Hills poster giveaway and the winner was:

Melissa from I Swim for Oceans

Congrats Melissa, and a big thanks to everyone who entered!

24 comments:

  1. LOL that blurb is legendary!!!

    and these other two covers! OH MY!!

    I just posted my version for the blurb and I saw this new post LOL

    hope you enjoy my version hehe

    xoxo

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  2. LOL I was wondering what the plot of that butterfly book was all about. "These gents are after something, chasing the gal around the world to get it, and it ain't hay." Haha that line is too funny! I guess she can get rid of men and wolves, but butterflies with men's heads? That is a totally different story.

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  3. LMAO. The blurb is as funny as the cover. My plot line wasn't even close!

    And Kiss My Elbows really? Is that the best title they could come up with!

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  4. Creepy covers! I love that you post things like this. The only reason to kiss your elbow is because legend says doing so will turn you into a member of the opposite sex. I'm serious: the American Girl books have never lied to me!

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  5. Another post full of awesome!

    FYI: The sequel to Kiss Your Elbow is Touch the Tip of your Tongue to your Nose. :P

    Sequel to Pardon my Body is Come Again?

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  6. Wow, that blurb is just as bad as the cover. I still don't understand the butterflies. It would have made more sense to make them moths that burn/surround the flame. And she's not even blonde in the cover!

    LOL on the last two covers!

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  7. I think I should seek professional help. Cause I really wanna read Virgin with Butterflies lol...methinks I would be very entertained!!!

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  8. Lmao, these vintage Harlequin covers are hilarious! I especially like the Kiss Your Elbow one simply because it's making me wonder who came up with the title and why they'd think anyone would want to read a book with that title.

    Oh, and a big congrats to Melissa :)

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  9. Virgin with Butterflies looks sublimely ridiculous! Those men with huge butterfly wings for ears, and her slightly surprised expression with her garter showing is just too much! I bet the book must be boring, though. Nothing in the world could live up to how silly that cover is!

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  10. Glad you all enjoyed these! I thought the blurb for the butterfly book was beyond amazing, so much good stuff there;)

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  11. lol! I love these posts. I always laugh out loud when I read them.

    I am so adding virgin with butterfiles to my wishlist. Sounds AMAZING!!


    Joking!! :D

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  12. Fun stuff, but may I add a word of caution for anyone thinking of picking up a Harlequin Vintage Collection title? Despite a statement (from the president and CEO, no less) that each has been reissued with the "original text", all have been bowdlerized.

    For the interested, I wrote a bit about this whole sorry episode here.

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  13. I loved the covers and can't stop thinking... have we come so far... or is this a kick back to vintage being back in style again.. Gotta admit the covers made me laugh.

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  14. bahahahahahaha these are all going to give me nightmares. How far we have come in cover creation, eh? Wow. I am completely at a loss ;)

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  15. Oh wow, for the record, I'd like this my assessment was closer to the truth than not. Fa-rea-key.

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  16. Leanna - I'm buying it immediately, I must know if the butterflies are effective!

    Aisle B - Me too, they were just too funny to not share:)

    Melissa - And me as well, those butterfly heads will haunt me for weeks to come:)

    Linds - You are brilliant. I think you should read this one now and tell us all about it!

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  17. She's not even blonde!
    Once again, loadsvof fun.

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  18. Too funny. I have to say tho... the last 2 titles surpass the cover in lol'ness.

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  19. Lolz. I never thought I'd say this, but that blurb is far worse than the cover itself. Someone has got to buy and review this book - *I'm looking at you Jenny* :D

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  20. I am still baffled by that Harlequin book. The description is hilarious though.

    Kiss Your Elbow?? What is up with that? No, thank you, I do not wish to kiss my elbow. Was an elbow a sexy part then? Like showing a little wrist, but more daring? I think she's holding onto a bed post, but with Harlequin, who can tell!

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  21. Jennifer - Right! Nor is she wearing white satin.

    Melissa - Kiss Your Elbow is my favorite:)

    Tammy - Maybe I will! And then you'll all be jealous that I got to read such awesomeness:)

    Small - Apparently, elbows were all the rage a while back. Who knew;)

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  22. Those are hilarious!

    Thanks for sharing :)

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  23. Butterfly Men!! *arghh my eyes*
    Also, that heroine seemed to be on a world tour of men - Burmese, a Sheikh and more!!

    -Dee from www.readseverything.blogspot.com

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